One of the questions I’ve been asking myself over this last year is “How do I know when it’s time to quit my marriage and get divorced?”
In terms of when to give up on your marriage, here’s what I think I’ve come up with:
If divorcing is a consideration for you from a moral perspective, then before you go that route, try first for at least one year.
Did you hear that?
Try for at least one year!
And I mean REALLY try. You can always call it. You always have that option. But once you pull that trigger, it’s over. No more chances. Your life will never be the same. Do you have kids? If you do, their life will never be the same.
If you end your marriage, you don’t want there to be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don’t ever want to look back and wonder if things could have been different. You don’t want to ask yourself, “What if this…and what if that…what if I
tried this…what if I did that?”
If you have to end your marriage, you want to know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything you could to make it work. I know I did. I still feel something for my wife but she made it impossible to love her again or even be friends with her. You see I caught her cheating on me using Facebook. She was flirting on Facebook and I caught her chatting with an old boyfriend. Now I could use Facebook as divorce evidence if I choose to cause there was so much adultery on there.
If you have to end it, you want to be able to move on with your life and into another relationship with a clear head. You want to come to a place of healthy “closure.” THIS IS CRUCIAL! And to accomplish this, in my experience, it takes at least one year. I know it probably seems like a long time, but it’s an investment in the rest of your life.
Here’s the key point. Listen carefully. It’s a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it’s a good investment if you turn your marriage around. But if you don’t, it will NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of your life AND (if it comes to this) YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.
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So sorry your marriage has ended. When my marriage ended I knew we had problems, but thought we were working through them. Until the day my husband came home and said he had done me a favor.
His favor was to rent me a moving van for the next weekend so I could get out. It’s sad when a marriage ends. Ping me if you need a guide to the new life your entering. Or if you just need to talk. I’m here. Jan
It’s difficult, if not impossible to discern the exact moment a marriage has taken its final breath. One big factor for me was that without even realizing it, after about 20 years I was doing and going everywhere by myself. I had gotten so used to it. It’s hard once you realize that everyone seems to have someone but ended it sadly.