September 13, 2005
Relationship Advice: Can My Partner Change? 3 Simple Steps to Make It Happen
Here’s some Relationship Advice. Imagine for a moment you and your partner living in heavenly bliss. How can you get you relationship to that point?
Your home is in peaceful order with the dishes done, the bathroom fresh and cleaned, your bed made, and the living room picked up. You feel serene as the two of you relax on the patio enjoying a quiet conversation as your favorite music wafts gently around you. Life is good, your relationship is good.
Sound idyllic? This can be you, you can be feeling so at ease one with another. And not just every once in a blue moon when the stars line up just right, but 90% of the time.
Difficult for you to believe this relationship advice? Sure, you spend much of you time biting your tongue or lashing out in anger because you wish your partner did this, or you wish your partner did that.
However, contrary to what everybody has told you, your partner can change. And you can be the one to make it happen.
* You can get him to stop spending all night watching football.
* You can keep her from spending her whole pay check at the clothing store. You can get him more involved in the housework.
* You can keep her from using your electric shaver on her legs.
What do you want your partner to change?
It is possible and not only that it takes only 3 Simple Steps.
I purposefully call these relationship advice examples “Simple” because:
* They don’t require that you go and see a marriage counselor.
* They don’t require that you spend tons of money.
* They don’t require that you do delve into the dark crevices of the past.
* They don’t require masses amount of reading or homework.
There are only 3 Steps so you don’t have complex points and ideas to keep track of, only 3 easy to follow steps that bring about significant change.
Change like getting your partner to:
* Pay more attention to you than the TV.
* Pick up her clothes and put them in the laundry hamper.
* Take out the trash when it’s his turn.
* Be more romantic without faking it.
* Come home as promised.
* Remember important events.
* Stay home more and go out with the girls less.
What do you want your partner to change?
But wait, that’s not the place to start, even though we all do.
Step ONE, is about paying attention to the positive, to what works in the relationship, and on what you love about each other.
Step TWO, focuses on the troublesome matters, the behaviors that need adjusting, and the irksome quirks.
Step THREE, is where you find solutions, alternatives and ways to help reinforce the new attitude, action, or words expressed.
Now we’ve all worked on replacing a bad habit with a good one. From as tough a habit as giving up cigarettes to as simple as saying, Excuse me and Thank you. If you’ll notice the former states what needs to be given up while the latter focuses on what needs to happen. An important difference!
One of the real secrets to ‘making’ your partner change is to focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. Let me say that one more time. The real secret to ‘making’ your partner change is to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.
Try it out, you’ll be amazed and when you master these three simple steps you too will be lounging peacefully on your patio together enjoying true lasting bliss.
Margrit Harris, is Your Relationship Expert providing you with Helpful Answers to Tough Questions for Life and Business Relationships. Author of the ebook Can [I Make] My Partner Change?, HELLO MARGRIT [free online relationship advice]and much more. Check it out http://www.stratateam.com/
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