Comments on: The Silent Treatment – What You Are Saying By Not Saying Anything At All

By: Ms. Helper

Ms. Helper — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 04:17:47 +0000

I just want to let you all know that when your spouse treats you this way they do not trust you. Learn how to practice emotional intimacy so your spouse will begin to trust you. Also read the book Boundaries it will teach you how to be responsible for yourself and not let people affect you negatively.

By: Jefferson Faudan

Jefferson Faudan — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:36:09 +0000

well… i guess it just works… i am a very jolly and nice person… when i’m nagging and whining, i’m still pretty fine at that point but don’t wait for a silent treatment… i mean business.

By: Paradise

Paradise — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 05:11:11 +0000

Almost three months and I’m still getting the silent treatment and I’ve walked away for good now. So many websites have helped me through this and I thank each and every one of you. Even though we are all going through it, we have helped eachother – how beautiful. The home phone rang on Monday and when I picked up, they hung up. It will be him I guarantee it. Narcissists always come back, but I will not respond. I am frightened he may come and get me or stalk me, but I will deal with that if it happens. I have figured out for 34 years, he’s had this Narcissistic Personality Disorder/Passive Aggressive nature and I am gobsmacked to finally discover it after all these years. I knew something wasn’t right several times, but accepted him for him and believed I was being over sensitive – ah ah. Sad, but I’m moving on. It has been an experience from hell, so so painful like nothing I’ve ever been through. I have always loved him, but I don’t need this. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. I am starting to see the beautiful things again – the sun, the flowers, the birds, bees, etc. Sounds mad, but I forgot about the beauty in our world. Focus on the good things people – silent treatment is not acceptable. Cooling off is fine for say a day or two, but you know silent treatment when you get it. Stand your ground, they may not expect you to, but you will be so proud you did. Empower yourself and take the control back. Do not give your power away to anyone! You don’t deserve it, no matter how much of a nag you were, no matter how out of line you may have been – if it was all your fault, so what, we all make mistakes, I apologised 100 times, but we don’t deserve abuse and silent treatment. Communication is the key to all relationships – I told him, he’s ignoring it. Because he wants to be in control. Off you go then. Do not tolerate it? They do this to us because they can. Eleanor Roosevelt said “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission”. You are CEO of your own life, don’t be controlled or manipulated any longer. Love to all of you. I feel so free now and not going back and I’m amazed how quickly this has come to me – it was a sad Christmas, but three months of this and I am over the worst pain. He’s actually given me peace with his silence. Delete them from your email, phone, etc. It helps. And keep busy with all sorts of things as it takes your mind off it. Don’t be scared in case you get over or forget that hurtful person….

By: cam

cam — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:21:37 +0000

Kali i agree….in my mothers mind she has loved, and I am sure that is true. But for my sanity and to have the strength to care for my children and not be pulled down by my mothers toxic behaviors and sicknesas … i painfully have had to quit talking to her and create healthy boundaries. To everyone else she explains herself a poor victim.

My alert system went off Leslie. You may love, but there is something causing the distance. Until you recognize, internalize, and deal with your imperfections and take the time to admit you are not perfect and may need help – - quit looking to blame your kids. I applaud your daughter for having the strength to stand up and tell you…if she wants her space, give it! look into Borderline Personality Syndrome and see if that defines you.

By: pixie

pixie — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:31:52 +0000

I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships – brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores – Kindle or paperback!

By: Kizzie

Kizzie — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 01:21:32 +0000

Hi Angela and whomever else may stumble upon this. What you are describing sounds a lot like narcissism personality disorder…to a tee. Once you know what you’re dealing with,you will never look at him the same way again and you can start the process of healing and moving on.

In fact, anyone in a relationship who is constantly on the receiving end of the silent treatment need to read up on NPD and see if your partner matches the other traits. if so, the silent treatment is the least of your problem. It’s only one symptom of a larger problem.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 17:01:59 +0000

I was going to defend myself until I read your comment about weight, which speaks volumes about you, George.

There is always room for maybe, George. Maybe you are right and it was all my fault. Maybe it was all his. Maybe (what I know to be true) we both had a share in perpetuating the behaviour – him for doing it, me for tolerating it. How do I know this to be true? I stopped tolerating it and he stopped doing it. It was a long route back, but I was determined to learn and grow and own my part, whilst not taking responsibility for and blaming myself for HIS issues. I don’t need to lose weight, but even if I did, that was and is irrelevant to the silent treatment issue. He now calls me one of his closest friends.

Two years down the line, I read your comment and smile when I think about the amazing place I’m in today, relationship-wise. I can only wish upon you the peace and joy you evidently lack in your life.

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 23:02:38 +0000

Even if a person is not a talker but knows they are hurting a person with their silence that is wrong even if you are brief be truthful with the person about the reason you are silent they deserve that. I know for me the woman is very chatty so that is not her issue she had rather just pretend as if the problem does not exist or erase it from her life!

By: leslie

leslie — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 11:47:04 +0000

It happened again. I left again. It’s different this time. I guess it’s because last time was only 3 months ago. I’m shutting down to him. I’m not even sure what set him off. Last time he called within 3 days because he knew he crossed the line. This time I get a quick message that says “Get comfortable!” He has used the silent treatment for the last time. Been married 27 years and can’t keep guessing why he’s doing it. Never any resolution or explanation. I am comfortable. Gearing up for a fight over getting my paycheck back.

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:49:46 +0000

Thank you elleke for the wisdom here and maybe this is true. i know she deals with relationships this way she told me of past relationships in which she has a way of just erasing the guy from her life the next day and moving on but I am not that type of person trust me if I could erase her from my life I would because all the hurt and pain she caused me. I am trying to figure out what is behind this problem ? I know she has been hurt in the past but I treated her like a princess the whole time maybe she felt I was too good to be true so she decided to end this before I had a chance to hurt her. I can’t understand how she would do this without seeing the hurt and pain she was causing me. She had to know this but I know she was hurting in her own way. She also made it clear not to keep fighting for her well at least in words and defriending me. I have been writing my feeling down but I never have sent this to her and my friends say do not . She should be the one to make contact with me first that I should not try to reestablish our relationship.