Dear John Letter: Breaking Up 21st Century Style

By Erin | Apr 30, 2007

 email this page

Remember the old Dear John letters that you used to hear about? The guy would come home to find the house empty, he would spot a note on the mantle and it would start out “Dear John”. It would go on to explain that his wife no longer wanted anything to do with him. Man that’s tough. Well the Dear John letter has been revamped for the 21st century.

Because Americans demand instant results it is not surprising to find that more and more people in relationships are either dumping or being dumped via email or instant messenger. It’s the high tech version of the same old Dear John letter.

I thought it was spineless when the dirty job of a breakup was done over the phone. This takes it to a whole new low. I understand that having to tell someone to their face that they just aren’t doing it for you anymore has to be one of the most uncomfortable situations you will ever find yourself being in. With that said, have a heart or really have some balls.

Can you imagine it, you’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months and you are pretty into them. You come home from work, get on your computer and you see that you have mail. Subject: It’s not you it’s me. Ok, you think that is kind of a weird subject line from your significant other so you open up the email. Dear John, I am writing to tell you that I no longer want to see you. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for a serious relationship. See ya. You would almost have to think it was a joke. Surely no one could be that chicken shit.

A different scenario. The person you have been dating for a while sees that you’re instant messenger is showing you as online. This is her perfect opportunity. You are just sitting there, minding your own business reading kensavage.com or possibly typing up a question for the Ask Erin column you are such a huge fan of when an instant message pops up on your screen. Right away you see it is from sohottotrot69, which is the clever name your girlfriend goes by. It reads: idk if u r there but i want 2 tell u i dont want 2 c u ne more. pls mail me my hair dryer. u can throw out my tampons. An then sohottotrot69 has not only gone off line but she has also blocked you.

Breaking up with someone in the 21st century is as easy as hitting send on your email or instant messenger. Is this something that we all just need to get used to? Is this really where society is headed? Is this really how we are going to have to accept bad news from now on, via email or instant message?

Where will this ever growing acceptable behavior leave us? Will it then be acceptable to notify the family of grandma’s death via email or instant message? Imagine sitting at your computer, again checking out kensavage.com perusing all of the great articles that Erin has written, when an IM pops up from your brother: hi how r u? i h8 2 have 2 tell u nana is dead TTFN. You reply:

You will then start receiving email in your in-box that have subject lines like:
Subject: The Dog Died Today
Subject: Ma’s in Jail
Subject: I Crashed Your Car

So you see, we need to stand up to this behavior. Don’t take the easy way out. Remember that we are human beings dealing with other human beings. Sure computers are there to make life easier but there are some things that aren’t supposed to be easy. Let’s remember that.